


Remembering

by EggsEgghead



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dungeons & Dragons Character Backstory, Flashbacks, Gen, Heavy Angst, Homelessness, I think I got all of the trigger warnings, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Suicide Attempt, Temporary Amnesia, Warlock/Patron shipping, just wanted to share one of my favorite character's backstories, light shipping, read this through again and added new tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:07:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25145191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EggsEgghead/pseuds/EggsEgghead
Summary: Rowan's memories have been compromised for as long as he can remember. After being called to the Feywilds by his archfey patron, Ildred, he finally learns the truth about where he came from and his history.
Relationships: Original D&D Character(s)/Original D&D Character(s)





	Remembering

**Author's Note:**

> Just tastefully writing a character backstory.
> 
> All potential triggers are tagged.

The moon shone brightly through the room's only window. The rays of light streaked across Rowan's face as he lay on his back on the bed. He stared up at the ceiling, loneliness keeping him awake for yet another night. The man he had brought to the room with him had left hours before and the emptiness of the unfamiliar room was once again oppressive. Rowan sighed as a familiar dizziness started to settle in his mind. His vision blurred and faded slowly before he could see nothing but darkness.

His eyes fluttered open when a sudden and familiar warmth enveloped him. The bed beneath him had suddenly turned to soft grass that was still wet with dew and the sound of silence was replaced with the melody of a harp and a voice that jump started Rowan's heart. Slowly, he sat upright and squinted into the light. Through patches of his own long brown hair, he could see a silhouette in the distance. They sat on a large, flat rock on the edge of a shimmering lake. Their long white hair fell softly around them, the wind gently tousling it every once in a while to expose their bare back. Their golden and silver garments sparkled in the sunlight, adding a majestic shimmer to their already magical aura.

They turned slowly to Rowan as he sat, dazzled, in the grass. Their soft, golden eyes squinted as they smiled lovingly at Rowan. They set aside their expertly crafted harp, a wooden instrument laced with gold and embellished with gems, and they reached out to motion Rowan over with their long and elegant fingers, each decorated with simple rings.

This wasn't the first time Rowan had seen his patron. Far from it, rather. Despite their familiarity, Rowan was always overtaken by just how gorgeous the archfey was. After taking a moment to compose himself, Rowan got to his feet and approached his muse. They stood as he approached, the bulk of their long robes falling to the ground in a pool of silken gold and silver fabric.

“There you are,” the archfey always spoke to Rowan in a soft and melodious voice. They reached out and pulled Rowan into a tender embrace. Their touch was warm and Rowan was immediately at ease.

“Ildred…” Rowan sighed his patron's name subconsciously as he sank against their body. He listened to the sound of Ildred's heart for a moment before looking up at them. “Did you need something?”

Ildred was silent for a moment. They ran a hand back through Rowan's hair, pushing it back and out of his eyes. The smile on their face was faint, but it eventually faded. They nodded and Rowan had to pry himself from the embrace.

“I did, yes…” Ildred's voice lost some of its sing-song nature. They turned and cast their gaze across the surface of the lake. The sunlight shining on the water's surface seemed to dim with the shift in Ildred's mood. “Do you remember this place, Rowan?”

“The lake? It's where we met.”

“Do you remember how you got here?”

Rowan was silent. His past was nothing but a distant fog, a mystery. For all he knew, his life began the moment he emerged from the lake. Because of his unknown past, rumors circulated on the Material Plane that he had been born from the lake. Rowan had started to believe them after some time. He shook his head.

Ildred brushed their hair back behind one of their long, pointed ears and they adjusted the circlet that sat across their forehead. They hadn't seen Rowan shake his head but they already knew the answer to the question they had asked him. After all, they were the reason he couldn't recall.

“You've been loyal for a long time now and you've been growing so much stronger. I feel like you should know.” The sky slowly became overcast as Ildred reached out and took one of Rowan's hands in theirs. They looked deeply into his eyes and Rowan could feel a certain sadness coming from them.

“Promise me you won't be mad.” Ildred was worried.

“Why would I be mad?”

“Please just promise me, Rowan. Please…”

Rowan swallowed hard. He gripped at Ildred's hand a little tighter for comfort. “Alright. I promise.”

“Thank you.” Ildred nodded and softly pressed two fingers against Rowan's forehead. There was a faint flash of light before the fog in Rowan's mind was gone.

“Now remember.”

Those were the last words Rowan heard before he was bombarded with memories.

**

 _The stench of alcohol was strong and the sound of shouting was overbearing. Rowan heard two voices arguing in the next room over. The house was familiar now: it was his childhood home. A small cabin in the woods. A shout, a bang, silence. A cry. A crash. The storming of footsteps down the hallway, stopping just outside the door. Rowan pulled the covers of his bed up over his head._ Sleep, _he told himself._ You're asleep.

_He wasn't asleep but he could pretend. The door opened. Light slowly crawled across the bedroom floor, as did the shadow of a man. Rowan held his breath, releasing it only when he heard the click of the door closing. The shouting resumed._

_**_

_It was his seventeenth birthday. Outside the window was the man he thought he loved. Dorian. Silence settled in the house and the familiar scent of alcohol was unbearable. Rowan made his way out of his bed and grabbed the bag that was hidden underneath. It was full of clothing. He carefully opened the window and leapt into the embrace of what he hoped was a better future. It was not._

_Dorian was twice his age but Rowan loved him. He didn't deserve it. Their nights were filled with bad alcohol and unwanted sex. Rowan learned to lie to hide the truth of the bruises that littered his body._

_“I tripped bringing in the groceries.”_

_“I fell when I was out in the market.”_

_“I'm just so clumsy!”_

_The cycle continued for five years. Cheap booze, sloppy sex, emptiness. The bruises turned to scars. There was no love in his abuser's home. There never had been. Dorian was power hungry, Rowan was naive. Rowan was powerless, but he was smart. He slipped out of Dorian's life, leaving behind everything but his guitar. He was nothing more than a memory._

_**_

_A bustling city. Rowan stood on the street corner in shabby, dirty clothes. The dirty tankard beside him had three copper pieces inside. The guitar in his hands had snapped strings. He couldn't play it very well. At least, not with the overbearing feeling of emptiness in his stomach. When was the last time he had eaten? He couldn't remember. Things had been easier with Dorian. At least he was fed._

_The days were short and disappointing. Rowan played what he could on four guitar strings. The nights were long and cold. If the cold didn't keep him awake, his retching did. Was he sick? Hungry? Rowan could never tell._

_He found no family on the streets. No one to look out for him, no one to sit with him around a small, untrustworthy flame built from twigs and scraps of cloth. Had his parents noticed he was gone? Between the drugs and alcohol, they barely remembered who the other was. Would Dorian take him back? Dorian would surely beat him to death if he found him. Would he even live to see another sunrise? He was bound to starve to death soon enough._

I'd rather be dead, _Rowan spent long hours staring into open flames repeating the same thought to himself._

_**_

_His 25th birthday. He survived to see another spring sunrise. The lake's surface glistened with the early morning rays of sunshine but Rowan felt no joy at the sight. Only despair. He had stolen several burlap sacks from a merchant at the market the day before. Slowly, meticulously, he filled them with rocks. Using the rope he took from a man's pack at the inn, he fastened them to his ankles. Rowan stared down into the clear water and the water stared back at him._

_He saw himself. He saw his dirty, matted hair and his gaunt, pale, unshaven face. He stared hard into his own sunken, empty eyes. Eyes that had seen years of violence and abuse. Eyes that had cried so many silent tears were now dry. He held his guitar, his only friend through the years of pain, close to his chest._

_With one final breath, Rowan let the lake embrace him. The water was cold, a shock to the senses. Rowan clung to the instrument in his arms as the bags tied to his ankles pulled him deeper and deeper into the water. He regretted taking such a deep breath. The seconds that passed felt like hours. Rowan's lungs ached. The lake was deeper than he thought, he still hadn't reached the bottom. It didn't matter. He blacked out before he ever reached it._

_**_

_Warmth. Rowan jolted awake and vomited up the water he had inhaled. Everything hurt. His lungs burned. An unfamiliar face watched with a look of genuine concern. The sun was dim, hidden behind a thin layer of clouds but its warmth was still noticeable._

_This wasn't the lake he had stepped into. These weren't the woods he knew. He had never seen this person before._

_“Thank the gods you're alright!” Their voice was the most beautiful sound Rowan had heard. He didn't trust it._

_“You had sacks tied to your ankles, did someone do this to you?!” The sacks were empty. The rocks were nowhere to be seen. Rowan did not respond._

_A sigh. Something told Rowan that the stranger already knew the answer to that question. Rowan stared blankly at the stranger but he let them guide him to his feet. He let them hold him in their arms._

_Their embrace didn't make him feel disgusting. There was comfort in their arms, a feeling that was a foreign concept now. Was this Heaven? Had he died? Surely, he had drowned. At least, that's what Rowan wanted to believe._

_Years of pain, of self-hatred and misery, finally caught up to him. Finally, he felt the entire weight of his situation settle on his shoulders as he regained his wits. It was his birthday. He had tried to end his own life. For the first time in years, Rowan felt tears in his eyes. His body shook as he felt them roll down his cheeks. The stranger held him tighter, the gesture was protective._

_“I'm sorry, but you don't have to worry anymore. You're safe now.”_

_Safe. It was such an unfamiliar concept. Rowan's heart ached. He believed them. Finally, he was safe._

_**_

Rowan blinked against the soft sunlight. He looked up at Ildred with bleary eyes. When had he started to cry?

“Rowan?” Ildred's voice was quiet and heavily laced with worry. They took Rowan's face in their hands and gently wiped away his tears.

“I…” Rowan turned his head to look at the lake. The water was still. He looked back up at Ildred. There was a comforting feeling of safety in their beautiful, delicate features.

“I...feel that I owe you an explanation. I just…” Ildred took a deep, shaky breath. “You were so broken. So sad. So...empty. I wanted to help you and I tried! I did! But you were so unresponsive. I figured you needed a fresh start and I tried my best to give you that. I...know the method is unorthodox but...it was the only thing I could think to do. When you told me about everything for the first time I...was at a loss for what to do.”

“Ildred…”

“I'm sorry, I should have said something sooner. I know. I hope you aren't mad at me.”

“Ildred.” Rowan's voice finally caught Ildred's attention. They never looked so nervous and unsure of themself.

“Yes..?”

“Thank you.”

Ildred blinked. They opened their mouth to speak but not a single sound came out.

“I understand, you don't have to explain yourself to me. You did what you had to and you...gave me everything I never had. I don't think I would have been able to find happiness after all of...that. At least, not if I had to drag that weight with me the whole way.” Rowan smiled. “You did your best and I'm a better person than I would have ever been. So thank you. For everything.”

“You...you aren't mad?”

“I promised you that I wouldn't be, didn't I?”

Ildred's face lit up with the smile Rowan had grown so familiar with. The smile he loved. Overhead, the clouds parted in the sky and the sun shone brightly once more. Ildred pulled Rowan into a tight hug. When they pulled away, Rowan longed to be held again. Ildred sighed.

“I've kept you here long enough, though. You have to get back to your business, your day is about to begin.” Ildred brought two fingers to Rowan's forehead once again but channeled no magic into him. “Don't be a stranger and remember that I'll always be here for you.”

Rowan nodded. “I could never forget.”

Ildred smiled once again at their champion before beginning to send him back to his room in the inn. Rowan closed his eyes, the last trace of Ildred's physical presence being the kiss they left on his forehead.


End file.
